Nosy Neighbors
by Zanza
Summary: Zanza and her friend Vivi find Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay living in the apartment above Zanza's house.
1. Zanza and Vivi

LOL... I wrote my answer to SaRa's Neighbors Challenge.  
I think I'm the first one. Today, I'll just post it   
here, cuz that's where the challenge was.  
  
Disclaimers: Paramount owns Voyager, Janeway and  
Chakotay. :( Vivi (yes, she's a real person,)and  
Zanza own themselves... well, unless you count   
parents :P  
  
Nosy Neighbors  
by Zanza  
  
  
"Oh. My. God." Zanza said, staring out the window.  
That was the first thought that crossed her mind. The  
second was 'I've got to call Vivi.'  
  
Vivi, short for Vivian, had been introduced to Voyager  
3 months ago by Zanza, but already loved P/T, and liked  
J/C and K/7. In fact, Vivi's little sister was the one  
who had invented the nickname 'Zanza' and had origionally  
used it as an insult. Now Vivi's whole family, not to  
mention Mere, Resy, Zozers, and others called her that.  
Vivi's other nickname was 'the grammar queen.'  
  
Zanza dialed Vivi's number. Vivi answered.   
  
"Vivi, you'll never guess what just happened to me!"  
  
"You watched Equinox?" Vivi said dryly.  
  
"No... better! Much better!"  
  
"There was J/C in the most recent Season 8 episode."  
  
"Well... that would be great... but this is terrific!"  
  
"Well tell me already!"  
  
"Captain Kathryn Janeway and Commander Chakotay have  
just moved in in Martha's old apartment."  
  
"Zanza! You honestly expect me to believe that?"  
  
"Under normal cirqumstances, no, but these aren't   
normal cirqumstances."  
  
"Zanza..."  
  
"I'll make you a deal. You come over to my house now,  
and see. If I'm lying, we can watch a Voyager episode."  
  
"Let me guess. Resolutions."  
  
"Just come over already."  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
"Do you see them?" asked Zanza eagerly.  
  
"I see a moving truck." stated Vivi, annoyed.  
  
"Well then, let's go."  
  
"Go what?"  
  
"Meet them. I'll show you."  
  
"Meet them? Have you lost your mind?"  
  
"It's called 'welcoming your new neighbor.'" The look on  
Vivi's face was skeptical, delighted, and amused all an once.  
  
"C'mon!" said Zanza. Vivi followed. They knocked on the  
door.   
  
"Hello?" said Kathryn Janeway, coming to the door. Zanza  
gave Vivi a triumphant look.  
  
"Hi, Cap-" Vivi started, then Zanza clamped her hand over  
Vivi's mouth. Zanza gave Vivi her best imitation of the   
look. If Kathryn and Chakotay were moving into an apartment  
in the 21st Century, they didn't want to be called 'Captain'  
and 'Commander.'  
  
"Hello, I'm Alexandra, your new neighbor, and this is Vivian,  
my friend. She lives just across the park. I am better known  
as Zanza, and she's better known as Vivi."   
  
"Nice to meet you both. I'm Kathryn Janeway. Please come in.  
Would you like some coffee?"  
  
"That would be great!" said both Vivi and Zanza simitaneously.  
Vivi was catching on. Even though Vivi would probably prefer  
tea, she knew not to mention tea in front of Kathryn Janeway.  
  
"Where's Chak... I mean, your friend?" said Zanza. Kathryn  
turned around.   
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Where's your friend?" supplied Vivi.  
  
"Before that. What were you going to call him?"  
  
"Chocolate?" Zanza tried.  
  
"Chakolate? I don't think so." Kathryn said. "You were going  
to call him by his real name."  
  
"Umm... what kind of man has a name that starts with Chak?"  
asked Vivi. It was a rhetorical question, and she wasn't having  
an easy time keeping that a secret.  
  
"How did you know his name?" asked Kathryn icily.  
  
"He and my dad were... old chums." said Zanza. Vivi put her  
head in her hands. Kathryn wasn't going to buy that one.  
Obviously. Zanza paused.  
  
"All right, I'm a J/Cer! Vivi is too!"  
  
"Care to elaborate on that?"  
  
"You mean you don't know what a J/Cer is?" asked Vivi and Zanza.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, I'm gonna teach you a lesson." stated Zanza. "A J/Cer   
is a person who likes..." This time Vivi clamped her hand over  
her mouth.   
  
"If they find out, they'll prosecute us!" whispered Vivi.  
  
"But that's what TPTB wants, not necessarily them." said Zanza.  
  
"Look at them, Brannon Braga doesn't seem to be controlling  
them like action figures. They seem perfectly fine, and it   
doesn't look like TPTB is their master." said Vivi.  
  
"Are you from the future?" blurted Zanza. Kathryn stared at  
her, amazed. Vivi was going to correct her, but she decided   
that it was hopeless.  
  
"Yeah, the Captain of a Starship called Voyager?" added Vivi.  
  
"With Commander Chakotay faithfully at your side?" said Zanza  
dreamily. This earned her a slap from Vivi.  
  
"How did you know that?" asked Kathryn Janeway, glaring at them  
both.  
  
"Well, Zanza lent me her..." Vivi was going to say 'Voyager  
Tapes' and Zanza knew it, but didn't let her finish.  
  
"We're brilliant aliens from another galaxy with telepathic  
abilites and we've come to investigate this time period for  
our database and we just read your mind but were trying to   
hide it but we couldn't so sorry."  
  
"Run-on sentence." muttered Vivi under her breath.  
  
"You honestly expect me to believe that?" asked Kathryn.  
  
"No." said Vivi and Zanza at the same time.  
  
"Then tell the truth." Kathryn said simply. Vivi gulped.  
They were getting 'The Look.' Zanza had a very weird expression  
on her face.  
  
"What are you doing?" Kathryn asked.  
  
"Well, I've never seen the death glare in person before,  
so now that I have, I'm trying to really imitate it."  
  
"What to you mean 'the death glare'?"  
  
"The one you always use on Star Trek. It makes Maj Cullah  
cower. I've..."  
  
"...never..." Vivi added quickly.  
  
"...seen him. In three episodes."  
  
"Episodes of what?" Kathryn asked, curious. Vivi and Zanza  
couldn't help it.  
  
"Star Trek Voyager." they chorused.  
  
"My favorite show in the universe." said Zanza dreamily.  
  
"Mine too..." said Vivi, just as dreamily.  
  
"Show?" Chakotay asked, coming into the room.  
  
"TV show." Zanza supplied helpfully. To be even more  
helpful, Vivi started humming the theme song and Zanza  
sang the J/C song she had made up to it.  
  
"What do you know about Voyager?" asked Kathryn. Zanza  
and Vivi gave them detailed accounts, with special emphasis  
on the J/C episodes. Chakotay sunk into the chair like he  
had a headache.  
  
"Are you going to tell everyone?" asked Kathryn.  
  
"Well, we could be persuaded not to..." said Vivi.  
  
"And how would we go about doing that?" asked Chakotay.  
  
"Kiss!" yelled Zanza  
  
"Be nice neighbors!" yelled Vivi.   
  
Zanza and Vivi looked at each other.  
  
"Both!" they yelled together.  
  
"What does the 'kiss' mean?" asked Kathryn. She already  
had a good idea of what it was, and she partly wished it  
wasn't, but mostly wished it was.  
  
"You," said Zanza pointing to Kathryn,"kiss him." she  
said, pointing to Chakotay. "Now." she finished.   
  
Chakotay looked at Kathryn. It wasn't such a bad fate.  
In fact, it was a good fate. A very good fate. He   
kissed her. She kissed him back.  
  
~10 minutes later~  
  
Vivi tugged at Zanza's sleeve.   
  
"Zanza, should we... uh... get them off each other?"  
  
"Nah." said Zanza. "C'mon, let's go." Vivi and Zanza  
left Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay to... do their stuff.  
  
~It's done!~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Zanza, Vivi, and Mere

Title: Nosy Neighbors - THE SEQUEL  
  
Authors: Zanza + Vivi  
  
Rating: PG-13 (Justin Case)  
  
Disclaimer: As we've said before, we don't own ANYTHING about Voyager  
  
(unfortunately), and we own ourselves.  And Mere owns herself.  And we're  
  
NOT counting our damn parents.  
  
Note from Zanza:  When I read Vivi my other story, she cracked up SOO much that we decided to write another one-- together.  Heck, we have a whole series planned out right now.  And the Backstreet Boys part is based on what happens when we turn on Lisee (Vivi's little sis)'s mini radio (the only song it plays is larger than life).  Oh, and all those parts where Vivi corrects my grammar-- those were NOT my idea.  
  
Note from Vivi:  Hey y'all!  This is the REAL Vivi speaking- not that impersonation Zanza made up.  (Of course, now that I think about it, she did a pretty good job.)  Hope you like the story!  Oh, and, Mere is pronounced Mer-EE, but is spelled Mere due to Zanza's insistence, which probably has a lot to do with the fact that Mere's real name is Meredith.  
  
P.S.  I am the grammar queen, no matter what anyone else may say,  
  
and PROUD OF IT!!!  
  
***  
  
"gghrugghrug!"  
  
"Zanza, please stop.  I keep getting the distinct impression that you are a chicken with rabies."  
  
"Well, so-RRY!  I've just had my most optimistic dream come true and I can't watch Janeway and Chakotay every second!  I'm BORED!"  
  
"We could always call Mere.  She might be interested.  Oh, and by the way, 'optimistic' is not the correct usage of the word in that context.  
  
You see, optimistic means 'disposed to think favorably of things and anticipate favorable results' - I know that's right because I looked it up in the dictionary a couple days ago."  
  
"And you MEMORIZED it? Geez Vivi, you're worse than I thought."  
  
"Well, so-rry!  I had to use the definition two thousand times!  How  
  
could I not memorize it?  But whatever.  Let's just call Mere."  
  
Zanza grumbled something that sounded a lot like "fuck grammar", but nodded.  Picking up her phone and dialing Mere's number, she but the phone on speaker so they could both talk.  
  
"Hello?" they heard a slightly irritated Meredith.  
  
"Hi!" they both said at once. "You HAVE to come over right away!"  
  
"Why?  Is this important.  I was just talking to my boyfriend when he had to get off for a second, and I was just sitting here faithfully waiting for him to call me back..."  
  
Vivi and Zanza both groaned together.  
  
"Who's your boyfriend now?" asked Vivi. "Wait - no.  Let me guess.  It's different from when we called you yesterday."  
  
"What-EVER, you guys.  I'm still with my beloved Ellie-Bellie-Boy."  
  
"Um," said Zanza, "Ellie-Bellie-Boy means Elek, right?"  
  
"Yeah.  So - what did you call me for?  I want to get back to waiting for Ellie-Bellie-my-love."  
  
"Mere, you HAVE to come over here RIGHT now!" yelled Vivi.  
  
"But what about Ell-"  
  
"Yeah, we know, what about Ellie-Bellie-Boogie-Woogie-goo-goo-sweetheart- honeylove-snugglywuzzle-cuddlybunches-baby-boey-boy-boy?  Screw him! Leave an away message or something.  Just get over here!" screamed Zanza. It scared Mere to the desired effect.  
  
"All right, all right," Mere mumbled.  She hung up.  
  
"Do y'think she'll come over?" asked Vivi pessimistically.  
  
"Well, YEAH.  At least, let's hope so.  Even Elek can't be as important as Star Trek characters!!" Zanza exclaimed.  
  
"Um, Zanza?  She doesn't know why she's coming over here.  And then there's the fact that, weird as it may seem, not everyone loves Star Trek Voyager as much as you do."  
  
Zanza looked shocked.  Rolling over on her bed, she said, "Well, you do, don't you?"  
  
Vivi looked down at Zanza condescendingly.  "Not quite, Zanza."  Vivi had a strange look on her face.  "Well, almost."  
  
"EEEEEERRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!  Why doesn't she just get here already?" Just as Zanza said this, the doorbell rang.  
  
"YAY!!!" Zanza leaped off the bed and ran to the door.  Just before she opened the door, Vivi yelled, "Wait!"  
  
If not for the circumstances, Zanza would have looked very strange. She very closely resembled a huge truck screeching to a halt.  
  
"Zanza!" Vivi hissed.  "We promised Kathryn and Chakotay we wouldn't tell ANYONE who they really were."  
  
Zanza looked horrified.  "Oh, no!  She's RIGHT there! What're we gonna do?"  
  
Zanza could almost see the gears in Vivi's head working away.  She couldn't get hers working- they needed a bit more grease.  
  
"Zanza!  Vivi!  Are you aware that I am standing out here, waiting for you to let me in?  And my Ellie-Bellie is probably desperate without me! Hurry up!"  
  
"Okay!" Vivi hissed urgently.  Your new, NORMAL, neighbors have cool new names, which we are making up right, now, and they are... Katie and... um..."  
  
Finally, Zanza's gears creaked into motion.  
  
"Chad!" she yelled.  
  
"SHH!!  Mere will hear.  Good!  Okay!  Go open the door!"  
  
They both leapt for the door and opened it simultaneously.  
  
There was their popular friend Mere, dressed in a shimmery, glittery, pink tank top that said 'FOXY' on it.  She also wore black leather pants, and a fake dog-collar necklace with spikes and little gold links hanging down from it.  She was wearing black, three-inch platform shoes on her feet, and her hair was in a messy bun that literally looked like it was held up by all the sparkles that she had put in it.  
  
"Hey!  What's all the shouting and yelling Chad for?"  
  
Zanza and Vivi looked at each other.  
  
"Um, nothing.  Come on!"  
  
And they all tramped into Zanza's room.  Zanza pressed the ON button on her radio and the Backstreet Boys immediately began singing "Larger than Life".  
  
Zanza and Vivi began swinging their heads sarcastically and Mere reached for the OFF button.  "Seriously, guys, they're not THAT bad."  
  
Zanza and Vivi rolled their eyes, and in an attempt to change the subject, Mere put on her "oh, guess what happened in my soap opera life today" look.  
  
"Oh, guess what, guys?  I saw the HOTTEST guy while I was walking here!"  
  
"Ooh, cheating on Elek-oh, sorry-I mean Ellie-Bellie-Boy, now aren't you?" crooned Zanza.  
  
"It's 'most hot', not 'hottest'." stated Vivi.  
  
"What-EVER.  It's FATE.  And Elek isn't THAT cute, anyway.  So what was so important  that you just HAD to get me over here?"  
  
"Oh.....uh.....Zanza had new neighbors."  
  
"Are they HOT COLLEGE GUYS or something?"  Mere made to run out to meet them that minute, but Vivi and Zanza managed to restrain her.  Vivi mouthed silence to Zanza, knowing what Zanza was going to say.  
  
"I do NOT think Chak-Chad"- she corrected herself-"is hot.  I just think he and Katie are cool." Vivi nodded.  They led Mere, who was complaining bitterly about why these people were so interesting, up the stairs. Her mouth fell open, however, when Captain Kathryn Janeway herself opened the door.  Vivi and Zanza had to drag Mere inside the apartment, where Kathryn was greeting Chakotay with a kiss.  
  
Zanza and Vivi smiled at each other, happy of their part in the couple's romance.  
  
"But..."said Mere, "....that's..."  
  
"Uh... these are my new neighbors, Katie and Chad."  
  
"Chad?"  mouthed Kathryn to Vivi and Zanza.  
  
Vivi shrugged, and Zanza frantically shook her head and waved her arms, meaning 'Whatever you do, DON'T mention it!'  Unfortunately, Mere saw Zanza's extremely large movement.  
  
"Zanza??  Vivi??" asked Mere.  "Are you guys okay?"  
  
"Yeah... uh... perfectly fine, thank you!  I - uh - my head just felt weird," said Zanza  
  
"Sorry, my shirt wasn't on right," muttered Vivi.  
  
Mere didn't appear to completely believe them, but she said no more.  
  
"Uh- so anyway, Katie, this is Mere, Mere, Katie.  And- Chad, this is Mere.  Mere, Chad," introduced Vivi hesitantly.  
  
Mere shook their hands suspiciously.  
  
"So, uh... what's your occupation," asked Mere.  
  
"WHAT???" the couple from the future asked.  
  
"Your... occupation... y'know, how you earn a living?"  
  
"Uh... oh... we're..." they looked at each other.  They didn't want to tell Mere their actual jobs (Starship Captain and Commander were not normal occupations), but they didn't have an alternative right now. They didn't even need one, because of the replicator they had installed in their apartment.  
  
"They're scientists... at CU... well... uh... CHAD... is at CU... yeah, and Katie... uh... Katie... is a scientist at... uh... NCAR..." said Zanza.  Vivi cringed every time Zanza said 'uh' or paused.  
  
"Uh... cool," said Mere.  
  
"Uh... yeah," stammered Kathryn, "Uh.. coffee- er, tea?  Juice? Anything for you?"  
  
"Coffee?" questioned Mere.  "We're kids.  Why would we want coffee? Oh, whatever!  I REALLY don't care!  Uh... do you have apple juice?"  
  
"Yeah..." said 'Chad.'  
  
"I'll have that too," said Vivi, eager to change the subject.  
  
"Coffee's fine!" yelped Zanza happily.  Vivi gave Zanza an exasperated look.  
  
"Okay.  You can stay here, Chak- Chad, er, will go get juice for you girls.  Er- yeah.  Coffee for me.  You know how I like it, Chak- Chad."  
  
"Coffee, black," grumbled Chakotay, going into the kitchen to get juice and coffee (and some tension tamer tea for himself).  
  
"We'll come too!" yelled Zanza.  
  
"Whatever," Vivi said, but she followed Chakotay into the kitchen, too.  
  
"I'll come, too!  Can I help??" asked Mere, getting up from the couch. Zanza and Vivi whirled around.  
  
"No, that's quite alright," said Vivi loudly.  
  
"Yeah, you just stay RIGHT THERE," said Zanza, putting her hands out in a continuous stop motion, as if to say 'go back... go back.'  
  
"Okay, whatever," Mere, who had up until then calmed down a little bit, was now looking at Janeway/Katie suspiciously again.  
  
"Boy, that was close!  Whatever we do, we can't let her see the  
  
replicator!" muttered Zanza to Vivi.  
  
Vivi shuddered.  Then remembering herself, she added, "By the way, since I am not of the male gender, 'boy' is not the correct term."  
  
"Do you pick on me for a REASON?" muttered Zanza, who then turned to  
  
Chakotay.  "We're SOO sorry!  We had no idea she would know SO much about Voyager... we thought she was obsessed with Next Gen!"  
  
"Next Gen?" questioned Chakotay.  
  
"The Next Gener... uh, no, you wouldn't know it like that... uh... Picard!  Enterprise! Data!  Troi!"  Zanza suddenly went into a gagging, choking fit.  
  
"She means Worf," Vivi explained.  
  
"He MARRIED her!" Zanza explained, but it wasn't much of an explanation.  
  
"Zanza was more than a little upset at how the marriage between Dax and Worf canceled all possibilities between Dax and Julian Bashir," explained Vivi.  
  
"What?" said Chakotay, shaking his head.  "No, I won't ask.  But... it's ok, you're doing some good acting for... what's her name?  Mere?" He sighed and leaned against the replicator, accidentally pressing several buttons.  
  
"I seriously need to have a long talk with my spirit guide after you guys go."  
  
"Oh, sorry.  We'll leave as soon as possible," said Vivi apologetically.  
  
"Chad was THAT bad??" said Zanza at the same time.  
  
"No, Chad is the least of my problems, although that is not QUITE the name I would've chosen for myself.  It's that - Oh, gross!" he said, realizing that a bowl of Neelix's own leola root stew had just materialized because he was leaning against the replicator. The replicator beeped.  
  
"Moving right along..." Zanza prompted.  
  
"Yes, right..." continued Chakotay as he poured the talaxian chef's toxic concoction into the trash. "Seven and Harry got stuck in this timeline too.  They're up hiding in our bedroom right now."  
  
Zanza and Vivi looked at each other, elated.  Kathryn and Chakotay now SHARED a bedroom!!  Then Zanza's love for her other favorite relationship, K/7, took over.  Her eyes lit up.  
  
"You mean to say that - Harry Kim - and Seven of Nine - are in your bedroom - together - ALONE???"  
  
"Yeah, so?" asked poor, 'innocent' Chakotay.  
  
"YES!!  Yes, Yes, YES!!" yelled Zanza at the top of her lungs.  
  
"Zanza!"  Vivi hissed.  'Keep it down!  You remember that Mere is through that OPEN door, probably hearing all your rantings and wondering WHAT in the HECK is going on!"  
  
"Oh-yeah, sorry."  Zanza replied.  Then to Chakotay, she said, "Have they- ahem-yet?"  
  
Chakotay, finally getting the picture, replied "Um, I don't PARTICULARLY think I want to find out at the moment."  
  
Zanza sighed.  "I guess you're right.  Do you have the drinks yet?"  As Chakotay leaned over to get them, she muttered to Vivi. "It would be kind of enjoyable to spy on them right now..."  
  
Vivi turned to her, her face a screwed-up cross between disgust and horror.  "Shut UP!" she yelled.  
  
"Oh, who's the one scaring Mere now?"  Chakotay, who had holding the drinks up, waiting for them, kicked Zanza slightly in the shins to get her attention.  
  
"Let's get going!" he hissed.  
  
"Oh, good, you have the drinks," she said as she followed him.  
  
"Actually Zanza," muttered Vivi as they were walking out, "You should use the term 'beverages.'  'To drink' is a verb."  
  
Zanza discreetly pulled Vivi's big ponytail as "Chad" was handing the drinks out.  
  
"You guys," questioned Mere, "what's all this 'yessing' and 'shut upping' about?"  
  
Vivi thought right at that moment, 'It's not shut upping, it's shutting up!'  
  
"Oh, that," said Zanza, "I was just SO happy!  Because... um... I finished making the drinks before Vivi did!  And she was so irritated at my gloating, she told me to shut up.  Yeah.  That's what happened. Really.  Uh- huh.  It had nothing to do with... nothing."  
  
"Uh-huh..." said Meredith sarcastically.  
  
From the looks that were being shot in her direction by the Voyager command team, Zanza and Vivi decided that they should go within the next few seconds to avoid being mutilated by the death glare.  
  
"Um-Mere-Are you done yet?"  Mere hadn't even started her juice.  
  
"No.."  but she didn't even have time to finish her sentence because Zanza and Vivi dragged her out, saying, "Um, we have something really cool to show you at Zanza's.  'Bye, Kath-Katie, 'bye, Chad!  See ya later! Um, yeah!"  And they slammed the door.  
  
Once back in Zanza's room, Mere turned on Zanza and Vivi.  
  
"You really expect me to BELIEVE that they are Katie and Chad? Something is going on here and I WILL find out what it is!"  
  
"Well, Zanza, I guess we'll have to tell her." said Vivi despondently.  
  
Zanza, who had been trying to think up another lame excuse, was taken aback.  
  
"Uh, I guess," she was about to tell Mere the real truth when Vivi  
  
interrupted her.  
  
"See, Katie is really Betsy and she's Kate Mulgrew's sister.  Chad is  
  
really Joe, and he is Robert Beltan's brother.  We decided we should  
  
keep it a secret because if anyone knew, they'd want an autograph."  
  
Obviously Mere believed that because a light came into her eyes and she said, "I want their autograph!"  
  
She pulled Zanza and Vivi, who were protesting wildly, up the stairs to  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay's living room.  
  
When Mere threw open the door, she and Vivi and Zanza were appalled at what they saw.  Actually, Zanza wasn't THAT appalled.  
  
Seven and Harry were no longer hiding in the bedroom.  They were sitting on the couch, with both their hair wet, sharing one towel, kissing passionately.  
  
Kathryn, on the other side of the room, was sipping at a cup of coffee and holding her head, and near her, Chakotay had out his akoonah, no doubt to talk to his spirit guide.  
  
While Mere stared and took in her surroundings, Zanza and Vivi heard their other friend, Raisa/Reesy's call from downstairs.  
  
"Vivi!  Zanza!  Mere! Sophi told me you guys were at Zanza's, and Zanza's mom told me you were here!  Are you upstairs? I'm coming up!"  
  
Just as Reesy ran in and stared around, two more Voyager crewman shimmered into view – B'Elanna Torres and Tom Paris.  
  
Zanza and Vivi looked at each other, slight amusement in Zanza's eyes, pure horror in Vivi's, and thought, ooh, this'll be a really hard secret to keep! 


End file.
